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Feb. 19th, 2011

Hospital Post!

so here I am, in the hospital. No, no emergency or anything. My surgeon just wanted me to come in through the ER so I'd get admitted quicker. He wants me to have surgery to remove part of my right lung, the lung lining, and about four inches of ribs down the center. Buuuuuuuuut the cardio-thorasic surgeon doesn't think that's a good idea...so we're just playing it by ear.

The patient tower is kind of interesting, though. each floor has x-number of sections, called pods (how many pods are on each floor, I forget. Mom told me last night, but...yeah). Each pod has ten patient rooms (plus extra rooms for whatever stuff is in them), and each pod can hold two patients. Kind of makes me want to write something funky, sci-fi, weird. I more than likely will, since it's "quiet time" right now, for a little more than an hour more.

So, while I'm in here, I have to do breathing treatments to help open my airways (and I swear they're working, I haven't been coughing as much), taking anti-biotics both by mouth and IV, and just...wait. Mom wants to talk to the surgeon about my options at the moment, and get some definite answers. So faar, I've seen four specialists at this hospital, and everyone seems to be wanting to go in different directions. Well...the first doctor (a pulmonologist, but not mine) was all doom and gloom and negative, while the last three all kind of had the same general idea. Keep me on the antibiotics and see how things go from there.

Luckily, I'm not tethered down to anything major. Yeah, I have my IV line (in my right elbow, of all places!), but I'm not constantly hooked to the pole, and I have these compression things on my legs to help prevent blood clots. But those are easy enough to take off/unplug so I can get up. I was walking around my  pod a while ago while my nurse is at lunch, but after about twenty laps, I was getting dizzy and  came back to my room. And I'll get the lovely compression cuffs back on when he gets back. Ick. I hope mom will go for a walk with me when she gets here :/

Basically, I'm just sitting here, bored, and...currently annoyed with my roommate. She keeps turning her TV up louder and louder, she sighs like the world is ending for her, moans and groans, talks to herself...and she's prolly ten-ish years my senior. at least. Jeebus...Oh well. Super Mom will take care of it if I ask her to. I just wish she'd turn her TV down a liiiiiiiiittle bit.

Alrighty, I think that's it for now. Will update as things go along!


Feb. 15th, 2011



...I quit. I finally quit working for that psycho woman. She didn't tell me that her son wouldn't be coming over today, so I texted her asking when he would be coming, saying that, again, I had to turn down plans and a chance at having some resemblance of a social life. She had THE NERVE to tell me that she "told you I had a few days off, but I also recall you saying that you would be available to watch him because you always stayed home." And then tries to guilt me by saying "I still don't know who will watch him when you won't be available."

Maybe someone else from the church who isn't aware of your bullshit?

She assumes that I can not have any sort of social life during the week and just sit here, waiting for her if she needs me to watch him or not. I am NOT at her beck and call, I am NOT going to give up EVERY chance at having fun during the week, and I am NOT going to wonder when I'll get paid.

After Sam leaves, I'm gonna look for a new job. Sonic, Wal-Mart, anywhere closeby that'll hire me. I'm not gonna be broke forever.

Now, excuse me, I'm gonna go hack up a lung again and grow roots into my sofa for the rest of the day. Hopefully I'll get bettersoon.


Feb. 9th, 2011

I'm Feeling Broken

So, Monday morning I had my appointment to have a biopsy done done one of the masses my biospy done. At 8 AM. I was awake at 4.30, with extremely low blood sugar (for me, at least), clocking in at a grand old 71. So, I was awake, I was starving (I wasn't allowed to eat after midnight, but I had stopped at 11.30), I was thirsty as hell (not allowed to drink anything more than barely enough water to get my meds down), I was cold, I was scared...I was overall grouchy.

We get to the hospital a little after 6, get me checked in, and head on up to out-patient. They take me back, have me change, and then they tell us...They're doing the biospies on BOTH masses. Um, what now? I was expecting to be there for about an hour or so total after they take me back, and then they tell mom that I would be back for at least an hour and a half, not counting recovery and whatnot. I was so tired that I didn't care, I just wanted to be sedated so I could go back to sleep.

Three. Hours. Later...

I'm in recovery, I see mom there, I'm thinking, "Okay, everything's good. Night night." And I'm crashed out again while we waited another TWO HOURS for my final x-ray to make sure nothing was wrong. So, I go had gone in for a procedure that would have had me out of there by, the latest, probably 10 AM, and end up getting nome at almost 4 PM.

At least mom bought me McDonalds on the way home. All I had told her was I was craving French fries, and she got me chicken nuggets (my fave thing from there) AND fries. Yum. Go mom!

I was SO SORE that afternoon and yesterday. They went it just below my shoulder blade to get a sample from my lower right lung. I can't really stretch my arm out now, I can't wear a normal bra (which is fine at night, but during the day it bothers me only having a looser sports bra on), not able to wear tank tops (which is MISERABLE while I'm inside, because my room gets REALLY warm at night), and it hurts trying to take deep breaths. And when I cough. Or sneeze. Or yawn. Or blow my nose. Or bend over.  They didn't even give a prescription for painkillers. I had to go and buy my own Tylenol last night. Sure, it was only 98 cents, but still. I could have gotten prescription painkillers for free. Oh well. At least I have something to help me.

On the not-so-serious medical side...My legs have been so swollen lately. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm taking my water pills, my blood pressure pills, my potassium pills, been drinking more water than soda, hardly using any salt on anything, laying with my legs propped up so they'll be higher than my heart...Nothing's working. Anybody have any suggestions on what I can do? I'm ready to take double water pills (which are already twice the strength of my mom's...), even if it does mean having to pee every hour or so...lol.

And of course I've been stuffed up for the past week or so. I don't know what it is, but I'm betting it has something to do with all the stuff in the carpet right now. When I'm outside or somewhere other than home, I can breathe pretty okay. But at home, I clog up real fast. I think we just need to dust and vacuum desperately.

Here's hoping I get over all this crap soon...


Jan. 29th, 2011

Life is Sucking

So, these past few weeks, I've just had medical stuff going on left and right. Some good, some bad, some neutral, and some that's scaring the shit out of me...

The first that happened was I went to see my neurologist. It was originally just to get a new prescription for my anti-convulsants. After talking for a little bit, we decided to cut my dose to half. Yay! So now, I'm only taking 150mg, which means I have to cut my pills in half now, but it's worth it. I go back in July to see how the new dose is working for me. But after 3 years with no seizures, I think I'll be just fine with the lower dose. However, later that afternoon, my doctor called mom, worried about my blood pressure. It was scary high while we were at the office, but we had written it off as the Monster I had on the way there (since the appointment was freakishly early). But because it was SO high, he said that if he had seen what it was while I was there, he would have admitted me to the ER right away to get it down (his office is across the parking lot from the childrens' hospital). So, as soon as mom got home from gramma's, she took me to the fire station to have my blood pressure taken again. It was still high, but lower. She then called the family primary care doctor, left a message, and they called me in new medicine for it that's working, but I can only take it at night and my normal meds in the morning because the new makes me sleepy as all crazy.

This past Tuesday, I went to see my pulmonologist. Good news: ............not really any. Bad news: I have a mass in my bottom right lung, and another mass on the left side (not in my lung, but I prefer not to say where exactly it is). Well, okay, the only good news is that it wasn't on my last x-ray/CT scan. He doesn't know what the left mass is, but it's not fatty tissue. So I have an ultrasound-guided needly biopsy scheduled for the Monday after next (the 7th of Feb). I have to go get bloodwork done this Monday, and then...I don't know what'll happen after the biopsy. I'm just scared. Mom says it's not a big ordeal, the procedure, but I'm just a wuss when it comes to hearing it and thinking about it. But hey...if I can be awake and conscious (although full of morphine and numbed in the general area) during a spinal tap, I think I can handle this. As long as I'm numbed and I don't watch/can't see what's going on.

I'm hoping that the masses are caused by something certain that I've told my mom about. It's a good theory, and if it isn't my Valley Fever causing them, and it is infection from something else, then...that actually is good. Because then we can go stright through to get my big work done with the ******* and then that will clear up the infection, as well as make my life better.

Earlier this week, my thumb started hurting like crazy. at first, I just couldn't rub it against anything. Well, to be exact, it was the crease opposite the knuckle. It got worse to the point that I couldn't bend it, and it started to swell up. The next night (Tuesday, I think) it was swollen more, and I couldn't straighten it. So Wednesday afternoon, mom took me to Urgent Care to have it checked. Turns out there's a tiny little bone in that area (like, smaller than a fish pin bone) and it was enflamed. How it happened, I don't know. Mom thinks I hurt myself carrying three two-liters in a plastic bag upstairs, I think I bent my thumb wrong in my sleep, gramma thinks I have brittle bones (so then I have to remind her that I didn't break, chip, or sprain anything), the doctor at Urgent Care thinks I was pushing remote buttons too hard or something. Whatever caused it, my thumb is feeling much better now (despite never getting my pain meds...thanks mom >< ).

Aside from that, I think I'm gonna start working out a little again. I'm getting a little squishy 'round the middle, hah. If I can just get rid of a little of my pudge (not like I have too much, but more than I care to have) before it gets too hot here (or by my birthday, mid-March), then I'll be happy. No more sucking it in so I can walk around in my swim suit this summer.


Jan. 19th, 2011

Blargitty Blarg Blarg...(aka I'm bored)

Bold the ones that apply to you.

I am a boy.
I am a girl.
I am shorter than 5'4''
I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had braces.

I wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles 
I’ve sworn at my parents 
I’ve run away from home.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I’ve lost a child.

I’m in school.
I have a job
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do/did my homework.
I’ve missed a week or more of school
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I’ve stolen something from my school.

I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry. 
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve had my pants rip in public 

I was born with a disease/impairment
I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.
I’ve had measles

I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Mexico
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Africa.

I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. 
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. 
I’ve crashed a car. 
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve met someone in person from Facebook
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.

I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out of my house.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.

I’ve consumed alcohol.
I regularly drink.
I’ve passed out from drinking.
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I’ve smoked weed
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
I’ve eaten shrooms.
I’ve popped E.
I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
I’ve done hard drugs. 
I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
I shut others out when I’m depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I have been anorexic or bulimic.
I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
I’ve woken up crying.

I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I’ve planned my own suicide.
I’ve attempted suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.
I own something from Gap.
I own something I got from E-bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.

I can sing well. 
I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news.
I don’t kill bugs.
I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
I curse regularly.
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
I’m a snob about grammar.
I am a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I have “x”s in my screen name.
I love being neat.
I love Spam.
I’ve copied more than 30 CDs in a day
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
I’ve worn pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I know how to shoot a gun.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I believe in ghosts.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. 
I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love white chocolate
I bite my nails.
I play video games.
I’m good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life!


Jan. 12th, 2011

Sweet Tooth

I know I shouldn't, but I love Sweethearts. Y'know, those conversation hearts you  can only get around Valentine's Day? Yeah, those. While at the dollar store with my mom, I got an 8-box pack to hold me over for a while. I want to get more, to have a nice stock for the rest of the year, but...I don't think mom will let me have that many boxes of candy hearts all at once, even if they are in my stash drawer. Oh well...I'm sure I can get them one way or another. I just can't help it. They're so good!

So I got mt CT scan done today. I'll tell you one thing...it was a ton faster than when I get my MRIs done. For one, I didn't have the contrast done. Usually, I go in the machine for a while, they pull me out and inject the contrast fluid, and put me back in to finish (sheesh, that makes me sound like a turkey or something, hah). The scan today...the lady had me lay down, she slid me half-through the machine, had me hold a breath, slid me out, slid me back in, hold a breath, slid me out, and done! All of about five minutes. I was like "Really, finished? Cool." Now to just wait to go see my pulmonologist and find out what's next.

And, because mom scheduled my neurologist and ******* for the same day, she cancelled the second one. I absolutely HAVE TO go see Dr. Williams. I have no refills on my anti-seizure meds, and I'm running low. Thankfully I have enough to get me through about the end of next week. I'm hoping he may lower my dose, to see if we can wean me off of them. It's been over three years since I've had a seizure. I think we should maybe cut my dose in half, or maybe down to 3/4 of what I'm taking now, if it's possible. But, we'll just have to see what he says. As long as I get a new prescription, I'm a happy camper.

............I think I'll go get a box of hearts, now, tee-hee.


Jan. 11th, 2011

Getting Old?

I can tell now, after this last convention, that either I'm getting older or that a lot has happened since my first convention that wears me out faster than normal. I'm not bouncing back as fast (usually I'm still raring to go another day or so when I get home from the last day) and taking longer to recuperate. Sunday night after I got home, sure I was still going and putting things away and such, but I was going on the last of my energy. As soon as I sat down, I was done. That was it for me. Yesterday, I was a vegetable. I had no energy, my legs were still achey from standing almost all weekend, and I felt like I had been hit by a metal pipe. Today, I feel better, but I still don't feel like doing anything.

Today, mom called and set up all my appointments (well, almost all. Didn't call my pulmonologist). Tomorrow morning I finally go for my CT scan that my pulmonologist ordered weeks ago, Tuesday I go to the *******, Tuesday morning is my neurologist....wait a minute...I just realized that may be a problem...Oh well. I'm suppose to be at my neurologist at 8.45, I babysit at noon until 2.45, and my ******* appointment is at 3...something won't be getting done, and I'm guessing the babysitting. Oh well...the lady will understand, since she knows what all is wrong with me. I just hope Dr. Porvin (my pulmonologist) doesn't find anything wrong with me after my scan.

But as soon as I can get all this stuff done (or started), my life will be a bit better. And that's what matters, right? Having a better life?


Jan. 6th, 2011


So, my mom called the ******* to talk to them about getting my work started. Luckily, they said they can go ahead and start, then get ahold of the right people to do the bigger stuff. But I go next Thursday afternoon to get things rolling. I'm so excited, but also a little afraid. But I'll be fine. It's about time I get this done.

And this weekend is Taiyou. So excited. Hopefully the lady I work for will come soon today and give me my money! She got paid today, she told me so yesterday. I better have my money before I leave (freakishly early) tomorrow morning.



Jan. 2nd, 2011

Just One More Thing....

Beware of typos. I don't have my glasses on because they were hurting behind my ears.

I've decided to add one more resolution to my list. I want to learn how to cook more meals/dishes than I already do. I can make greenbean casserole, chicken and rice casserole, and chicken noodle casserole, no problem. But other than that, my food either goes in the microwave, or comes from the freezer and into the oven. We have a cookbook, but the things I've marked in it are more like snacks or sweets.

I want a REAL cook book. A Betty Crocker one, a...Food Network one...anything besides the one from our church. I mean, yeah, it's nice to have, but it's very...thin. Hah, funny. A thin cookbook. Anyway...that's one of my goals this year. To learn to cook better. Not really learn and memorize recipes. Just be able to follow them and not screw them up.

Thankfully I grew up around a gramma who taught me the difference between a "dash" and a "pinch" of something.

Now, if only my headache would go away so I could put my glasses back on. I can't see a thing!


Dec. 31st, 2010

Happy New Years!

I still have two hours to go where I live, but I'm sure I prolly won't be able to post anything. gonna have quite a bit of...yummy goodies in me that will make me a bit...falalalala. Know what I mean?

So, I want to go ahead and wish my f-list a ery safe and happy New Year! I hope everyone has a great night and stays safe. I myself am staying put at home (after being locked out for almost an hour earlier, lol) with my mom and Taffy, watching the Dick Clark specials. And who am I kissing at midnight? My adorable baby, Taffy. Since my Sam isn't with me tonight.

And my one-year anniversary (technically) is tomorrow. I'll have been engaged a year as soon as, roughtly, midnight and a few seconds hits. Wow, it's been a year already? Time flies, and I do wish I was in Michigan. Maybe next year...

From me to you and all your loved ones, happy 2011!


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